HelpingChildrenCopewithDifficulties.doc
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1、Helping Children Cope with DifficultiesAs children progress through toddler-hood they need us to be firm and set limits. This will help them build frustration tolerance.An anything goes policy is harmful to children, who generally thrive in knowing there are rules to be followed and limits that must
2、 be adhered to. As difficult as it is for many of us, saying no to negative behaviors and building a well-structured environment with set nap times and bedtimes promotes a feeling a security and being cared for.Learning the meaning of not now, later is a crucial step in a childs development of toler
3、ance for pain.It also promotes healthy frustration. Children learn at a young age that they cannot always have things their way. For example, a child who keeps kosher must wait a certain amount of time after eating meat before he eats milk. He has to control his desire to eat non-kosher candy in the
4、 checkout line at the supermarket. Discipline and self-control are therefore enhanced, making it easier to cope with frustration. Learning the meaning of in a few minutes, later, or not today is another very crucial step in their development of tolerance for pain.DONT MAKE LIFE TOO COMFORTABLE Lets
5、face it. We all try, as much as we are financially able, to create a comfortable lifestyle for (ourselves and) our children. We try to satisfy their (and our) desires for toys, clothes and other material items. Setting reasonable limits in these areas and creating a distinction between what they nee
6、d and what they desire is healthy for children. Our Sages say, Eat bread with salt, drink water in small measure, sleep on the ground, live a life of deprivation. (Pirkei Avos, Ethics of the Fathers 6:4) This is not a call to asceticism, but a plea for moderation. Children who grow up with every des
7、ire catered to tend to have an attitude of entitlement. They often feel, Life owes me something. They dont know how to deal with the pain of not having what they want; they dont appreciate what they have; and they may not have a healthy level of frustration tolerance when things dont go their way.Ch
8、ildren who have everything dont know how to deal with the pain of not having what they want.A specific example of not making life too comfortable would be sharing a bedroom. Many parents prefer to have separate bedrooms for each child. It certainly makes life more comfortable for the parents, who do
9、nt have to hear children bicker about who is a slob and whether the windows will be open or closed at night. Children, however, learn many important problem-solving skills by sharing a room with a sibling/s. Hopefully, they learn to share and to have sensitivity to each others moods, neatness issues
10、, not waking each other up needlessly, different tastes in music, etc. In short, sharing a room with a sibling creates all sorts of potential problems which we really do not want to shield our children from. These problems are good for them and prepare them for getting along with others, for life in
11、 a college dormitory and ultimately for marriage. HELPING CHILDREN DEAL WITH PAINWhen young children come to us with their problems, we often tend to feel their concerns are trivial and not worth much attention. We need to realize that, to children, their concerns are as important as our issues are
12、to us.Children who have been brushed off as youngsters wont seek their parents out later in life.Parents who slough off childrens problems when they are young are unwittingly setting the precedent for the future. Children who have been brushed off as youngsters learn that their parents are not the a
13、ddress to go to when they are in need. Parents then wonder why their children are not coming to them when they are teenagers.Therefore when a small child is upset that somebody is making fun of him or he cant find his favorite blanket, we need to create an environment of empathy. We also must be non
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