愚人节搞笑短信.doc
-范文最新推荐- 愚人节搞笑短信 ·我爱你一生一世！这是真的相信我！你就是我的宝贝！生活缺少你不行！你的心只有我最懂！你的眼睛最柔情（看每句第三字）·如果没有花朵，春天将会寂寞，如果没有激情，四季将会平庸，如果没有我，你将会失去一个最关心你的人！如果没有你，小兔会问：“我该和谁赛跑呢？”·什么是骄傲？牛呗！什么是谦虚？装呗！什么是勤俭？抠呗！什么是奉贤？傻呗！什么是聪明？吹呗！什么美女？你呗！·你是从小缺钙，长大缺爱，身披麻袋，头顶锅盖，穿着短裤系着腰带，光着上身打着领带。·哥们儿，最近混得不错嘛！上次市委会听说你参加了，市长还亲自会晤你，他深情款款地来到你跟前，笑容可掬，拍着你肩膀客气地道：你，出去！·外语不及格，证明你爱国；整天乱摆阔，其实没老婆；长个小肚子，楞装弥勒佛；到处喳喳叫，像个大蝈蝈。·你吃东西欢天喜地，搞破坏翻天覆地，失恋后呼天抢地，借钱时求天拜地，现在总算结婚了，真是谢天谢地。·你是：戴个帽子没帽檐，假装也是炊事员；站在房上撒泡尿，假装也是在放哨；骑个车子放个屁，假装也是慢撒气！·babybaby你真美，好像韭菜浇了水；babybaby你真酷，好像椰风挡不住。·你吃得贼胖，装得挺像，肥头大耳，四肢健壮，带支钢笔，不会算帐，买台电脑，不会上网，晚上睡觉，一准尿坑。·我有件事求你，你家能让我住两天吗？这件事请你不要告诉任何人，本来我不想麻烦你的，可我实在找不到可信任的人了。我是萨达姆，我还活着嘘，小声点·本人不慎于一月明风清之夜遗失初吻，请拾到者迅速归还，则不胜感激·拍卖，大拍卖。现有某公当年情书数封，信物数件，情话若篇，初吻若干。底价：5亿5千（无意无情）元。·祝您：打牌运气拉不住，豹子金花把把出，别人瞪眼你笑脸，别人掏钱你收钱。·不要以为我忘了你，在关键的时候，比如说今天，我第一个想起的就是你·在茫茫人海中，当你收到这封真挚的祝福，请你用尽全身力气把头往墙上撞，看见没有，你眼前无数的星星，就是我的祝福。·医生说：“你在睡前要吃一万片安眠要否则你晚上一定会梦游杀人，要不然也可能自杀，真的，你要相信呀。·我们已拍下你一夜情的录像，如果不想让你老婆知道，请在七天之内准备好10万元现钞赎货，不然·特别忠告：目前针孔摄像机日渐泛滥，为了保证你的私密处不被偷窥，请着装洗澡，大小便不要脱内裤，切记，切记！·通牒：阁下最近和一美妙女子交往甚密，频繁利用手机短信眉目传情，如阁下再发一个短信，亿万中华猛男将与你为敌！·我快乐因为你快乐,我开心因为你开心,我愁了因为你瘦了,我瘦了因为你病了,我笑了因为你壮了,我有钱了因为把你卖了,好猪好猪·大雨哗哗下,你老婆来电话,叫你快回家,你一点不害怕.你不想混了 一、活动主题：休闲大聚会，假面戏愚人二、活动时间地点： 地点待定：三、活动内容：1、小游戏：(20分钟)2、节目表演：（10分钟）3、评选晚会最佳化装奖（男女），最差化装奖（男女）。（20分钟）注：投票以无记名方式投出，第一轮举手投票侯选人，确定侯选人名单。第二轮，由唱票员，唱票。票高者获奖，结果产生不可更改。4、小游戏（或节目）（20分钟）5、评选晚会最佳人气奖（男女）（10分钟）6、评选晚会最好色的色狼奖（10分钟）7、小游戏（10分钟）8、节目（10分钟）9、评选晚会最靓美女奖，最酷帅哥奖（20分钟）10、版主讲话（5分钟）12、晚会结束。四、活动经费预算：每人预收80元rmb。其中，包括场地租用费，活动奖品费，酒水用餐费。 1.wife talking to her husband (who reads newspaper all day): i wish i were a newspaper so ill be in your hands all day. husband: i wish that too, so i could change you daily 2.a little boy asked his father: daddy, how much does it cost to get married? the father replied: i don t know son. i m still paying! 3.at midnight father saw that his married son leaving home. he asks him: what are you doing? the son replied: dad i am fed up with my life! my newly marriage is not going well, my wife and my mom keep fighting with each other! i have to pay bills for my in-laws, and i hate this life! i want to go far from here, i want to taste every joy of life, and i want to have every fun of life! father said: wait! i am coming with you 4.a woman goes to england to attend a 2-week company training session. her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. the wife answered: thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you? the husband laughed and said: an english girl! the woman kept quiet and left. two weeks later he picked her up in the airport and asked: so honey, how was the trip? the wife: very good, thank you. the husband: and, what happened to my present? the wife: which present? the husband: what i asked for: the english girl? the wife: oh, that! well, i did what i could; now we have to wait a few months to see if its a girl! 5.a couple goes to an art gallery. they find a picture of a naked woman with only her privates covered with leaves. the wife doesn t like it and moves on, but the husband keeps looking. the wife asks, “what are you waiting for? “ the husband replies, “autumn. “ 6.a man is sitting reading his newspaper when the wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan. “what the hell was that for? “ he asks. “that was for the piece of paper in your trouser pockets with the name mary ellen written on it, “ she replies. don t be silly, “ he says. “two weeks ago when i went to the races,mary ellen was the name of one of the horses i bet on. “ she seems satisfied at this, and she apologizes. three days later he s again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold. when he comes around, he asks again, “what the hell was that for? “ “your fucking horse just phoned. “ 7.wife to husband: you were so drunk last night that you insulted your boss. husband: piss on him! wife: you did and he fired you! husband: fuck him! wife: i did and you can go back to work tomorrow. 8.a couple drove several miles down a country road with intense silence. not a word was said to each other. an earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither wanted to concede his position. as they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, “relatives of yours? “ “yep, “ the husband replied, “in-laws “. 7 / 7
