英语写作优化句子的常用方法.ppt

基础写作训练,优化句子的常用方法,一、同位语手段,三、运用并列句,二、运用短语,四、运用复合句,2008年广东高考题,你很荣幸地成为2008北京奥运会的一名志愿者，负责编写奥运比赛项目的英语介绍。 【写作内容】 请根据以下中文提纲，编写射击项目的英语介绍： 背景：射击最初只是生存工具，19世纪末才发展成体育活动。 1896：第一次成为奥运项目 1904：中断 1928：中断,1932：重回奥运会 1968：第一次允许妇女参加奥运射击比赛 现状：稳步发展，1896年奥运会只有三项 射击项目，现今有17项。 【写作要求】 只能使用5个句子表达全部内容。 【评分标准】 句子结构准确，信息内容完整，篇章结构连贯。, Shooting, originated as a means of survival, developed into a sport only in the late 19th century. The sport , which first appeared in 1896, was ever suspended during the 1904 and 1928 Games. It was only four years before the sport returned to the Olympic. However, not until 1968 were women first allowed to compete in the Olympic shooting. With the sport becoming more and more popular, it has grown steadily from just 3 shooting events at the 1896 Olympic Games to 17 today.,广东08高考基础写作范文：,句子表达有何亮点？,一、运用同位语,此方法多用于介绍人物、事物、产品、书名或地点等。 【例1】介绍事物： （2008） 射击最初只是生存工具，19世纪才发展成为一项体育运动。 Shooting, a means of survival originally, developed into a sport only in the late 19th century.,【例2】介绍人物： （2009） 上周我们就中小学生近视问题采访了眼科医生王教授。 Last week, we had an interview with Professor Wang, an eye-doctor, concerning the issue of short-sightedness of the school children in China.,一、运用同位语,【例3】介绍书名：（2011） 书名： Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother 作者： Amy Chua，美籍华人，耶鲁大学教授 中文版： 2011年初开始在中国销售 A book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, written by Amy Chua, an American-Chinese, has been sold in China since the beginning of 2011.,1. Guangzhou is the capital of Guangdong Province. It is located in the middle of Guangdong Province. It is the culture and economy center of Guangdong Province. Guangzhou, the capital and the culture and economy center of Guangdong Province, is located in the middle of Guangdong.,运用同位语合并句子,2. Zhang Hai is male. He is 23 years old. He graduated from Hunan Normal University last year. Zhang Hai, male, 23 years old, graduated from Hunan Normal University last year.,运用同位语合并句子,1. 去年，我被邀请参加一个为“待援助的孩子”（Tuesday Child）举办的一个狂欢节（carnival），“待援助的孩子”是一个帮助艾滋患儿的组织。 Last year, I was invited to participate in a carnival for Tuesday Child, _.,运用同位语完成句子,an organization that helps children with AIDS,2. 离2010年还有一个月时间，但孤星指南（the Lonely Planet）等不及宣布来年十大旅游城市排行榜，孤星指南是世界最畅销旅游指南杂志之一。 There is still more than one month to go before 2012. But the Lonely Planet, _ _ , cant wait to announce its top 10 cities to travel to in the coming year.,运用同位语完成句子,one of the worlds best-selling travel guides,1. 李敏是个女孩子，今年18岁，她在光华中学学习，她是我的邻居也是我最好的朋友。 Li Min, a girl of 18, my neighbour and my best friend, is studying in Guanghua Middle School.,运用同位语翻译合并句子,2. 姓名：Steve Jobs 别名：苹果教父（godfather） 出生地：美国加州三藩市 出生日期：1955年2月24日 逝世日期：2011年10月5日 Steve Jobs, the godfather of Apple, was born in San Francisco, California, the USA on February 24th, 1955 and passed away on October 5th, 2011.,运用同位语翻译合并句子,介词短语 非谓语动词短语：现在分词 过去分词 不定式短语,二、运用短语,介词短语常作状语。 【例4】我很惊讶，一切进展得那么顺利。 【一般】I was surprise. Everything went on very well. 【高级】To my surprise, everything went on well.,介词短语常作定语。 【例5】Waste water is making the river worse and worse. The waste water is from a factory. The factory lies on the river. 【高级】Waste water from the factory on the river is making the river worse and worse.,1. Xiaxi Town is not big but beautiful. It has an area of about 8 square kilometers. Xiaxi Town, with an area of about 8 square kilometers, is not big but beautiful. 2. There is an old tower. The tower lies in the east of the town. There is a river behind the tower. In the east of the town lies an old tower, behind which there is a river.,运用介词短语合并句子,3. We started early. We wanted to enjoy the sunrise on the top of the tower. We started early (in order/ so as/in an effort) to enjoy /with the purpose (goal) of enjoying the sunrise on the top of the tower. 4. As soon as we got there, we began to take photos. On arriving there, we began to take photos.,5. A professor gave us a talk this morning. He came from Beijing University. He talked about how to learn English well. A professor from Beijing University gave us a talk about/on how to learn English well this morning. 6. He told us of his own interesting experiences of learning English. We laughed a lot. On hearing his own interesting experiences of learning English, we laughed a lot.,7. His talk lasted an hour. He asked us some questions. During the one-hour talk, he asked us some questions.,使用时请注意以下几点： 不定式的动作发生在谓语动词之后（一般情况下，尽量用不定式的主动式） ； 现在分词表主动，该动作与谓语动词的动作同时发生或紧接着发生； 过去分词表被动，或表示该动词的动作在谓语动词动作之前发生，或者没有时间性； 现在分词的被动式表被动，与谓语动词的动作同时发生。,二、运用非谓语动词短语,【例6】故事是用简单的英语写的，很受英语初学者的欢迎。 【一般】The stories are written in simple English. They are popular with English beginners. 【高级】Written in simple English, the stories are popular with English beginners.,二、运用非谓语动词短语,1. He is ill. He didnt go to school. Being ill, he didnt go to school. 2. Im writing to invite you to be a judge at our English speech contest. It will be held on June 5. Im writing to invite you to be a judge at our English speech contest to be held on June 5.,运用非谓语动词短语合并句子,3. After she listened to me for a while, she gave me a big smile and said she liked my voice very much. After listening to me for a while, she gave me a big smile and said she liked my voice very much. 4. I dont know his name. I call him Good Man. Not knowing his name, I call him Good Man.,5. The man is singing a song. He is my brother. The man singing a song is my brother. 6. Suddenly I saw an ant. She was trying hard to move another ant who was dead. Suddenly I saw an ant trying hard to move another ant who was dead.,常用的并列连词有and, but, or, otherwise, nor, so, yet, however, for, as well as, both and, not only but also, either or, neither nor, and then, since 等。,三、运用并列句,【例7】他不喜欢音乐，也不喜欢运动。 【一般】He doesnt like music. He doesnt like sports, either. 【高级】He likes neither music nor sports.,三、运用并列句,【例8】我不喜欢他，他很自私。 【一般】I dont like him. He is selfish. 【高级】 I dont like him, for he is selfish.,三、运用并列句,1. He works hard himself. He encourages us to work hard, too. He not only works hard himself, but also encourages us to work hard. 2. These glasses are very expensive. Please be careful with them. Please be careful with these glasses, for they are very expensive.,运用并列连词合并句子,3. Half of the girls choose film and TV stars as their idols. 48% of the boys favour sports stars. Half of the girls choose film and TV stars as their idols while 48% of the boys favour sports stars. 4. I am good at expressing myself. I have the language advantage over others. Not only am I good at expressing myself, but I also have the language advantage over others.,5. According to the professor, the cause of short-sightedness is very complicated. No medicine can cure it. According to the professor, the cause of short-sightedness is very complicated so no medicine can cure it.,6. The government should be aware of the importance of providing education for all the children. The average people should be aware of the importance, too. The government, as well as the average people/Both the government and the average people should be aware of the importance of providing education for all the children.,最常用的是状语从句、主语从句、宾语从句、表语从句和定语从句。 【例9】废水被直接排放到河里，河水被严重污染。 【一般】Waste water is directly let into the river. The river is seriously polluted. 【高级】The river is seriously polluted because waste water is directly let into it.,四、运用复合句,【例10】他病得很重，这让我着急。 【一般】He was seriously ill. It made me worried. 【高级】He was seriously ill, which made me worried.,四、运用复合句,1. He never lost a game. I was really astonished. I was really astonished that he never lost a game. 2. Li Hua is my classmate. His English is very good. Li Hua is my classmate, whose English is very good.,运用复合句合并句子,3. As for myself, Thomas Edison is my idol. His inventions have greatly changed our life. As for myself, Thomas Edison is my idol because his inventions have greatly changed our life. As for myself, Thomas Edison, whose inventions have greatly changed our life, is my idol.,4. Currently China has about 350 million smokers. Among these smokers 75% are men and 25% are women. Currently China has about 350 million smokers, among whom 75% are men and 25% are women.,5. We are now living in an information age. TV, cells and the Web are widely used in this age. We are now living in an information age, in which TV, cells and the Web are widely used.,6. The government would organize more than 1, 100 engineers and workers from across the country to dig wells in the countrys southwest. It is reported. It is reported that the government would organize more than 1, 100 engineers and workers from across the country to dig wells in the countrys southwest. As is reported, the government would organize more than 1, 100 engineers and workers from across the country to dig wells in the countrys southwest.,需要注意的是，我们在写作时，要注意不要一味地追求复杂的句型，能简则简，能用短语，就不要用从句。在句式多样的前提下，尽量做到精炼。 【例11】我正在餐桌旁吃饭，一个人朝我走了过来，那个人戴着一顶黑帽子。 【复杂】I was at table when a man who was wearing a black hat came up to me. 【简明】When I was at table, a man wearing a black hat came up to me.,写作中复合句常见的错误,1.只有从句，没有主句,The keeper who had lived in the light tower for a long time, so he could keep calm in the storm.,2.以逗号代替句号,把两个简单句当成一个句子, The old man thought of his son, tears came down from his face., The hall is different from all other buildings, it is made of glass.,3.刻意使用从句，表达不自然,There are over fifty students in this school who are going to take part in the sports meet next Sunday.,Over fifty students in this school are going to take part in the sports meet next Sunday.,4.过多地使用并列句组合信息, We were driving out into the country, and we saw our English teacher riding in a bus, and the bus was crowded., It is a beautiful day, and the sun is shining and a breeze is blowing., It is a beautiful day with the sun shining and a breeze blowing., As we were driving out into the country, we saw our English teacher riding in a crowded bus., Kate is a new student. She comes from a northern province. She speaks a dialect. We find it hard to understand her dialect.,Kate, a new student from a northern province, speaks a dialect which we find it hard to understand.,用一句话表达,不是人人都能学好英语，小学生同时学汉语和英语反而会影响汉语学习。,第一步：拆分成几个简单句,不是人人都能学好英语。 小学生同时学汉语和英语。 这会影响汉语学习。,第二步：分别翻译这几个简单句, Not everyone is good at learning English., This will affect their Chinese study., Children from primary school learn English and Chinese at the same time., Not everyone is good at learning English., Children from primary school start to learn English and Chinese at the same time., This will affect their Chinese study.,第三步：合并句子,That children from primary school start to learn English and Chinese at the same time will affect their Chinese study,because not everyone is good at learning English., Not everyone is good at learning English., Children from primary school start to learn English and Chinese at the same time., This will affect their Chinese study.,第三步：合并句子,If children from primary school start to learn English and Chinese at the same time, this will affect their Chinese study,方法2：,because not everyone is good at learning English.,你来试试,参考词汇： 错别字: wrongly-written characters 网络语言：web language,要求：1. 用两句话表达表格内容 2. 两句话要有连贯性,第一句（两个信息点）： 1. 学生作文中出现很多错别字 2.（他们）上网聊天时经常使用网络语言。, There are many wrongly-written characters in students compositions.,The reason why there are many wrongly-written characters in students compositions is that they often use web languages when chatting on line.,合并句子：, They often use web languages when chatting on line.,1. They have so much homework to do every day that they fail to memorize the new characters.,第二句: 1. 每天有很多作业做 2. 没有记住生字。, They have much homework to do every day.,2. With so much homework to do every day, they fail to memorize the new characters.,3. Because they have so much homework to do, they fail to memorize the new characters.,合并句子：, They fail to memorize the new characters.,连接两句话： The reason why there are many wrongly-written characters in students compositions is that they often use web languages when chatting on line. Moreover, they have so much homework to do every day that they fail to memorize the new characters.,昨天，我们在班里进行了一场讨论。我们讨论是否应该帮助那些困境中的人。我的一些同学说应该。他们认为帮助他人是我们中华民族的传统美德。一些人认为帮助他人不是个好主意。现在的人忘恩负义。我们可能受到我们想帮助的人的伤害。依我之见，我们应伸出援助之手给那些需要帮助的人。人人能互相关心。这个世界会更美好。,翻译合并 将下列句子译成英文，然后运用本课件的方法，并使用适当的关联词将它们组成一篇五句话的短文。,昨天，我们在班里进行了一场讨论。 Yesterday we had a discussion in our class. 我们讨论是否应该帮助那些困境中的人。 We discussed whether we should help those in trouble . 我的一些同学说应该。 Some of my classmates said we should.,他们认为帮助他人是我们中华民族的传统美德。 They think helping others is a good traditional virtue of us Chinese people. 一些人认为帮助他人不是个好主意。 Others didnt think it is a good idea to help other people. 现在的人忘恩负义。 People nowadays are ungrateful.,我们可能受到我们想帮助的人的伤害。 We may be hurt by those who we are trying to help. 依我之见，我们应伸出援助之手给那些需要帮助的人。 In my view, we should give a hand to the people in need of help. 人人能互相关心。 Everyone can care for each other. 这个世界会更美好。 The world will become more beautiful.,Yesterday we had a discussion on/about whether we should help those in trouble in our class. Some of my classmates said we should because they think helping others is a good traditional virtue of us Chinese people while others didnt think it is a good idea to help other people as people nowadays are ungrateful. They said that we may be hurt by those who we are trying to help. In my view, we should give a hand to the people in need of help. If everyone can care for each other, the world will become more beautiful.,一个乞丐在路边讨钱(ask for money)。李先生匆忙赶路上班，没有注意到那个乞丐。 乞丐很生气，伸出(stick out)拐杖，差点把李先生绊倒了(trip over)。 李先生意识到他是个残疾人，便在口袋里找钱给他。 李先生拿出了一张百元钞票(a 100-yuan note)。 突然一阵风把钞票吹到了空中。 乞丐迅速跳起来去追那张钞票。 李先生站在那里，惊得合不拢嘴。,实战演练：以下是你根据图画内容和题目要求，经过观察、整理排列成的五个信息块，请分别用一个句子表达出来，并组成一篇连贯性的短文。,A beggar,Exchange and discuss your partners composition, then give each other a score according to the following criteria.,Pair work,A beggar One day, when Mr. Li hurried on his way to work, a beggar on the roadside was asking for money, but Mr. Li paid no attention on him. As a result, the beggar got angry and stuck out his walking stick, which almost tripped Mr. Li over. Realizing the beggar was a disabled person, Mr. Li began to search for some money in his pocket to give him. He took out a 100-yuan note, which was suddenly blown into the air by the wind. Seeing this, the beggar jumped quickly to run after the note, which made Mr. Li so surprised that he stood there with his mouth open.,