1、Unit5TheRea1.Truthabout1.iesRandyFitzgera1.dAttheUniversityofVirginiainChar1.ottesi1.1.e.PSyCho1.OgyprofessorBe1.1.aDePau1.ogot77studentsand70townspeop1.etovo1.unteerforanunusua1.project11keptdiariesforaweek,recordingthenumbersanddetai1.softhe1.iestheyto1.d.OnestudentandsixChar1.ottesxri1.1.eresiden
2、tsprofessedtohaveto1.dnofa1.sehoods.Theother140participantsto1.d1,535,The1.iesweremostoftennotwhatmostofuswou1.dca1.1.earth-shattering.Someonewou1.dpretendtobemorepositiveorSUPPOrtiveofaSPOUSeorfriendthanheorsherea1.1.ywas.orfeignagreementithare1.ative,sopinionc.AccordingtoDePau1.o.womenintheirinter
3、actionswithotherwomen1.iedmost1.ytosparetheother,sfee1.ings.Men1.iedtoothermengenera1.1.yforse1.f-promotingreasons.Moststriking1.y,thesete1.1.ers-of-a-thousand-1.iesreportedthattheirdeceptionscausedthem,1.itt1.epreoccupationorregret”.Mightthat,too,bea1.ie?PerhapsButthereisevidencethatthisattitudetow
4、ardcasua1.useofprevaricationiscommon-Eorexamp1.e,20,OOOmidd1.e-andhigh-schoo1.ersweresurveyedbytheJosephsonInstituteofEthics-anonprofitorganizationinMarinade1.Rey,Ca1.ifornia,devotedtocharactereducation.Ninety-twoPercCntoftheteenagersadmittedhaving1.iedtotheirparentsinthePreViOUSyear,and73percentcha
5、racterizedthemse1.vesasseria1.1.iarsmeaningtheyto1.d1.iesweek1.y.Despitetheseadmissions.91percentofa1.1.respondentssaidtheyweresatisfiedwithInyownethicsandcharacter.Thinkhowoftenweheartheexpressions*,1.1.ca1.1.youor,whecheckisinthemai1.ormsorry,buthesteppedout*.Andthentherea,eprofessions-1.ayers,pun
6、ditsPRconsu1.tantswhosemembersseemtospecia1.izeinshapingorspinningthetnthtosuitc1.ients*needs.1.itt1.ewhite1.ieshavebecomeubiquitous,andthereasonswegiveeachotherfbrte1.1.ingfibsarefami1.iar.Consider,forexamp1.e,aSouthernCa1.iforniacorporateexecutivewhom1Ica1.1.Toni.Hcgoeswithhiswifeandsontohismother
7、in-1.awshomeforThanksgixingdinnereveryyear,Tomdis1.ikesherspecia1.pumpkinpieintense1.y.Invariab1.yhete1.1.sherhowwonderfu1.itis.toavoidhurtingherfee1.ings.WhatsSTOngWiththat?TOmaskedMichae1.Josephson-presidentoftheJosephsonInstitute,Itsaquestionwemighta1.1.ask。Josephsonrep1.iedbyaskingTomtoconsider
8、the1.iefromhismother-in-1.awspointofview.SupposethatonedayTomschi1.db1.urtsoutthetruth,andshediscoversthedeceit.Wi1.1.shete1.1.herson-in-1.aw,vhankyouforcaringsomuch?”Orisshemore1.ike1.ytofee1.hurtandsay1.mHowcou1.dyouhavemis1.edmea1.1.theseyears?Andwhate1.sehaveyou1.iedtomeabout?AndwhatmightTomsmot
9、her-in-1.awnowsuspectaboutherowndaughter?AndWiI1.Tomsboy1.ietohisparentsandyetbesatisfiedWithhisOWncharacter?Howoftendowecomp1.imentpeop1.eonhowwe1.1.they1.k.orexpressourappreciationforgifts,whenwedon,trea1.1.ymeanit?Sure1.y,thesenice1.iesareharm1.essandwe1.1.intended-anecessarj,socia1.1.ubricant.Bu
10、t,1.ikeTom,weshou1.drememberthewordsofEng1.ishnove1.istSirWa1.terSk1.ying:Mora1.ChoiceinPub1.icandPrivate1.ife9Psycho1.ogica1.barriersweardown；theabi1.itytomakemoredistinctionscancoarsen;the1.iarsperceptionofhischancesofbeingcaughtmayWarPJTakethepumpkinpie1.ies.Inthefirstp1.ace,itwasntjustthathewant
11、edhismother-in-1.awtofee1.good.Whetherherea1.izeditornot,herea1.1.ywantedhertothinkhigh1.yofhimAndaftertheinitia1.deceitheneededtote1.1.more1.iestocoverupthefirstone.Whobe1.ievesitanymorewhenthey,reto1.dthatthepersontheywanttoreachbyphoneis,inameeting*?Byitse1.f,thatkindof1.ieisofnogreatconsequenceS
12、ti1.btheend1.esspro1.iferationofthese1.itt1.ePreVariCationSdoesmatter.Oncethey,vebecomecommonenough,eventhesma1.1.unt11thsthatarenotmeanttohurtenurageacertaincynicismand1.ossoft11st.,When(trust)isdamagedJwarnsBok.thecommunityasawho1.esuffers;andwhenitisdestroyed,societiesfa1.terandco1.1.apse.*Area1.
13、1.white1.iestobeavoidedata1.1.sts?Notnecessari1.y,Themostunderstandab1.eandforgivab1.e1.iesareanexchangeofwhatethicistsrefertoastheprincip1.eoft11stfortheprincip1.eofcaring.Hikete1.1.ingchi1.drenaboutthetoothfairy,ordeceivingsomeonetosetthemupforasurprisePartyJJosephsonsays,Sti1.hwemustaskourse1.ves
14、ifwearewi1.1.ingtogiveourfriendsandassociatestheauthorityto1.ietousWhencVertheythinkitisforourowngood.Josephsonsuggestsasimp1.etest.Ifsomeoneyou1.ietofindsoutthet11th,WiIIhethankyouforcaring?Orwi1.1.hefee1.his1.ong-termtrustinyouhasbeenunder-mined?Andifyourenotsure.MarkTwainhasgivenusagoodru1.eofthu
15、mb.,Menindoubt,te1.1.thet11th.Itwi1.1.confoundyourenemiesandastoundyourfriends?谎言的真相兰迪菲茨杰拉能1 .在切洛特斯维尔的弗吉尼业大学里,心理学教授贝拉德保罗如织了77名学生和7。名市民志限参加一个特别的项目.所有参加者写了一周的日记，记录下自己撒谎的次数和细节.2 .1名学生和6名爱洛特斯坦尔的居民声称没行撤过谎决他14。名参加者共计撤减1535次。3 .他们说的道吉里绝大多数在大众眼中都不娣惊天动地的那一类.其中有人毅奘对自己的另一半或朋友表示肯定或支持,或对某位亲戚的观点佯装赞同.依他保岁之见，女性在相互交
16、往中说谎主要是为了不伤对方感俏,而男性何撒说则多半属于自吹自摇。4 .最惊人的是,这些撤广数以千计谎言的人声称,政蝙行为并没有让他的十分“纠结或愧玖”.这会不会也毡谦吉？有可能，不过,确有证据上明，这种做谎也不眨眼的态度是很常见的。5 .例如,加州马里纳一威尔南有一个致力于性格教育的非营利性组织”约瑟夫森伦理道馆研究所W对两万名初、高中学生进行过阿杏92%的青少年承认在过去一年中对父母撤过谎,73%将自己描述为“连续撤设的人，造即加星期都嫩讹。尽管如此，91%的参M者称“对自己的道牌和人品还是感到满意”.6 .想想我们是多么经常地听到这些话：“我会打电话给你”、“支票已寄出”、“对不起,他不在
17、还有一些职业-律师、专家和公关咨询师一一其成员似乎专门歪曲或编造”实以涵足客户的需要.7 .无伤大雅的小诚吉无处不在,而我们嫩猷的埋由也大同小异,看着这个例手，是关于一个公司珞理的，我就叫他汤姬吧,他博年都和娶儿到岳行家多加圣!晚宴.汤姆非行不喜欢岳母做的“特色”南瓜馅饼,不过，他每次总是对岳母说南瓜馅饼多么好吃,免得伤了她的心.8 .“这有什么不对?”汤姆向约勒夫森研究所所长迈克尔约瑟夫森.这个问遨我们都有可能会问.9 .约瑟夫疾的回答是要汤姆站在岳母的立场上考虑一下他的谎言.假设有一天,扬姆的孩子一不小心说漏了所,使她了解/实情.她是会对女婿说“谢谢你考虑得这么周到呢？还是更有可能地,
18、觉得受了伤害，说“你怎么能货我这么多年？你还对我撤过哪些道？10 ,汤姆的岳母现在对她自己的女儿又会起些什么疑心嗯？汤姆的儿子点不会也时父母微谎的同时满意于自己的品行呢？11 .我们违心地莎维他人如何漂亮，对收到的礼物衣示然激.这种情况是不是+已司空见惯？名无疑问，这些“善意的谎言”r他人无害且初定良好，是不可跳少的社交润滑剂。但是，像汤姆一样,我们应该记住英国小说家沃尔特T各特翱士曾写下的句子：“一朝开口编谎.此生安宁便无缘.”12 .呻使一些看似无言的道言也会导致无法预料的后果.哲学家希塞拉博克警告我们，谎言会使我们一惜再错，无法收手。“撤过头几次道后，后面的谎言就会来得更容易了,她在，微
19、流一公众场合和私人生活中的道德选择一书中写道,心理际肉渐渐克极：分辨是非曲直的能力会变得迟饨：嫩说人对谎言可能被揭穿这一常识的认知也会扭曲.13 .再以南瓜馅饼的谎言为例。首先，汤姆撤迸不仅仅是想让岳母憾觉良好.无论自己是否意识到.汤姆其实是布里岳母对他有好感.嫩f第一个谎之后,他需要用更多的道才来掩盖第一个造吉.14现在行谁还相信他们打电话要找的人“在开会”?就其本身而言JE种谎话无伤大雅,然而,这种小谎言无休无止地扩散的确会引起产型的问题.15.道吉一旦泛滥,即使并无恶意的谎话也会使人们变褥多少有些悲观怀疑,不再彼此怕任.的克告诫说:“旦信任被政坏，整个社区就会受吉；一旦信任被摧毁，社会就会动插并崩溃16.那是不是连善意的谎言都不能说，哪怕要付出极大的代价？那倒未必，那些最能令人谅蟀的说话是将道曲学家们所谓的信任原则替换为关怀原则,“比如给孩子In讲牙仙女的故事，或是瞒物某人以便给他,个惊喜聚会。”约瑟夫森说,“即使这样,我们也必须扪心自问，是否乐意给朋友和同事向我们说谎的权利，只要他们自己认为是为我们好就可以？17 .约瑟夫森推荐了一个简单的测试方法.如果别人发现你对他撒S1.他是会感激你为他若想呢,还是会觉得长期以来他时你的信任遭到了破坏呢？18 .如果你没有把握，马克吐温给过我们一条经脸法则:“拿不准的时候,就实话实说.实话会迷惑敌人,震惊朋友
